Giving Feedback Thoughts

Be Still, and Mirror
(image source)

This week we read four articles on giving and receiving feedback. I have some experience in this, but it has certainly been a long journey in the feedback loop circuit. I began by being petrified of feedback, and if I could not excel at something and be praised for my excellence, I shut down. Why bother? What's the point if I can't out-shine everyone else? Getting away from this mentality has taken some work. I lived with a trained counselor for a roommate for a while. That was tough, and arduous, and difficult to my idea of myself, and ultimately very good for me. I learned her feedback wasn't always criticism. I learned that she too needed feedback and expected growth in our relationship from it. I've also learned that simply being present for someone is the greatest gift that we can give. I would do well to remember that when working with my son as he matures and grows. I particularly tried to commit to memory the idea that it is best to mirror what is happening with a child when they are doing something easy for them, and to reserve praise for something that is particularly difficult that they are trying to master: patience, sharing, etc. I would be wise to keep heaps of praise off of my son, and instead aim to encourage leaning in to the challenges. I enjoyed the readings on this subject, and was circled back to a favorite author of mine who speaks about courage, and growth and difficulties, Brene Brown and a quote from her:

 "Without feedback, there can be no transformative change."

Be A Mirror to Foster Growth Mindset

1    1.       Be specific
2.       Focus on what they are doing, not on what is missing
3.       Focus on  the process and the work that was put in
4.       Make it transferable
5.       Take yourself out of the feedback – keep the focus on them

5 Tips for Receiving Feedback Like a Champ

Feeling Uncomfortable is part of the growth process.

              I recently read a quote that explained how people get ahead in their fields, specifically in regards to exercise. “Learn to front load your pain.”  (/u/parallaxBrew via Reddit) 

       Procrastination is just back loading what’s uncomfortable to us, and it just builds and builds and builds, making all the rest of our time uncomfortable too, as the difficult thing that we still have to do looms over us. However, when we learn to front load the uncomfortable task, essentially doing it first and moving it out of the way, it clears us up for tackling more and importantly, other things in our life. All those little moments we were using to dread what was coming are now free to think about the possibilities that lay before us now with our free time, versus the dread of what is to come.

Keep in Mind “state” vs “Trait”

I definitely learned this one watching my mom interview over, and over, and over again for a principal’s position. While she eventually got a position in the school district that she wanted, talking with her after each interview was very discouraging. She would get into a mentality that it was simply who she was as a person that they weren’t looking for, instead of recognizing that there were traits about her that still needed growth and education. While it’s difficult acknowledge, and I love my mother very much, watching her receive negative feedback in her adult life has been one of the best teaching moments for me, and help me open up my eyes to how I, myself receive feedback! I try to square my shoulders, pull them back, open up my face and be in a physically receptive position. People are not attacking me, they are trying to help me! And, I can receive this help, try to implement it and make changes and move forward! I find that the physical position we put ourselves and our bodies into often correlates the the mental state we find ourselves in.

Why Rejections Hurts So Much and What To Do About It

Emotional hurt is in the same brain space as physical hurt!

Recover quickly, connect with others quickly – we are not loners!

Examined Life

Keen attentiveness and presence, acknowledging what it being done, but not praising it. Saving the praise for something really difficult for a child, like patience or sharing. Withholding praise if a child is simply reading or playing.

“Presence, he argues, helps build the child’s confidence by way of indicating he is worthy of the observer’s thoughts and attention — its absence, on the other hand, divorces in the child the journey from the destination by instilling a sense that the activity itself is worthless unless it’s a means to obtaining praise.” (Maria Popova summarizing Stephen Grosz)

Story: Ganga and Her Forgotten Makara

Goddess Ganga aboard her Makara

~

Goddess Ganga, O Goddess Ganga,

Come down we weep.

We’ve spent thirty thousand years,

And now must pass Yama into his sleep.

Our successors will try to possess you, Sweet one,

What will it take to bring the waters’ blessing,

When will you come?

Bygone ash’s sins remitted and Moksha they desire,

For not just the ashes of mine but, too, Bhagiratha’s family lies in the pyre

Pour down the lustrous waters of your goddesship

From Heaven, through Shiva’s head,

 so as Mother Earth you may not tip,

Come down, sings Bhagiratha, heaping austerities at your feet,

Flow freely through this world, lest not arrogance you keep.

Tis arrogance indeed, as think you, swift you’ll come,

Straight from Brahmapura down to Earth summarily, tarrying none.

Shiva, o Shiva, help to save our souls of this world,

We need the goddess Ganga, but not her damage and arrogance that doth swirl,

Through his tangled jata, he slowed her path for years,

Austerities anew were supplied, Bhagiratha to Shiva’s ears.

When at once he disentangled her, and now freely Ganga may travel,

Oh, but alone she does not go, her companion aims to plans unravel,

Finally, She’s here they shouted! But what’s that beneath her seat?

Down, too, comes another, swaying tail but lacking feet. 

For hails her peacock tailed sea creature, Makara,

Choosing a path to wind wearily, downward through the Himalaya.

We’ve been called down to these lands, Makara to the Ganga spake,

But, where, said not they, is the path that we should take.

Shall we stay in the peaks, or to the valleys shall we flow?

We’ve spent years in Shiva’s hair, seeing ne’er any doe,

Let’s travel here, and twist back there, searching for a few fawn friends,

Or rather, to the Ocean, where I may swim with some Indic dolphins.

I’ve a mind of my own, free from Brahmapura’s heaven are we,

Let’s show them our greatness, you and me, to all these people let’s go see,”

But Goddess Ganga seethed with anger, in arrogance she did brew,

“I shall grant the people waters to heaven, but only I, and only just a few”

For on her path, the fantastical Makara she steered,

Ignoring tandem reverence, for her own glory she sought to be revered.

Through the peaks and valleys, and down the Indus way,

She glided til the Ocean lay just beyond this bay.

Tis but an auspicious few who can dip themselves in her waters,

Cleansing away their sins, seeking new karma they acquire,

For in her crafty cunning, as she wound her way throughout,

Cleansing peoples just enough so that others would clamor and shout,

"To the Ganga I must go! Why did she not come my way?"

The peoples whom now flock to her on that Kumbh Mela day.

Ganga ignoring the words of the Makara, together they descended,

Remember, do the people, of the goddess and her creature?

No, only the cleansing waters, is the chiefly remembered feature.

But hastily she guided the sea like beast, back to its resting spot

Where the waters are filled with myth and monsters, remembering people there are not.

Stay here, O Makara, slipping into the dark and deep oblivion,

No one shall remember you, only for my glory, will I the people's heart win.

And she left the Makara down there in the depths, forgotten, o forgotten,

While she hastened to the Underworld, Makara’s memory hath she smotten.”

Modern day Ganges River, taken in Haridwar by Jeevan

Author's Note: I crafted this tale of how Ganga and her Makara descended to the earth from the heavens, based on this retelling by John Campbell Oman (1894) in The Great Indian Epics, which can be accessed from the Public Domain Ramayana: Bhagiratha and Ganga. 

Bhagiratha comes from a long line of rulers, each ruling about thirty thousand years, who have tried numerous times and failed to bring down the cleansing waters of the goddess Ganga. Finally, it is Bhagiratha who, through severe and strict austerities, is able to get her released from the heavens. He happens upon 60,000 of his dead relatives' ashes, and wishes to be able to send them to heaven through the holy waters (the Ganga). He seeks the help of Shiva, as well, so that Ganga does not comes down to forcefully to the earth and destroy it, but Shiva despises the arrogance Ganga has in her power to do this, and so traps her in his tangled dreadlocks for a few years to slow her down. He does not release her, however, until Bhagiratha again performs strict austerities to him, asking him again to release her. Finally he does, and she descends. However, I noticed that in painted art form depictions of the Goddess Ganga, she is frequently seated above her Makara, who is her Vahana, or vehicle. There is no mention of the Makara in Oman's retelling of the tale, so I included it in my version, playing up the arrogance of Ganga so that instead of people remembering the both of them, Ganga and Makara descending from the heavens together to bring the holy waters, people will only remember Ganga -- which is mostly true to this day. Until I did some digging, I had never heard of the Makara being associated with the goddess Ganga either.

The Goddess Ganga is the mythological embodiment of the River Ganges and its waters, which are considered holy and sacred. If one goes the the waters and dips themselves in, their sins are remitted. If ones ashes are sprinkled in the waters, they are able to attain heaven. These practices occur in India on the banks of the River Ganges even today.

Wikipedia Trails: Garuda: Serpent-Eating Kite Bird to Globster (And Exploding Whales)

13th Century Cham sculpture of Garuda

as he devours a serpent

Garuda

From the readings of the Ramayan this week, I discovered what a Garuda was: the Vahana, or vehicle, of Lord Vishnu whose reach goes all throughout SE Asia, being depicted in nearly every country, often times even in the flags and governmental agencies (including the special forces of the Indian Air Force.) He is likened to a kit bird or an eagle, and is well-known for his serpent eating abilities. People often wear talisman  of him in order to guard themselves against a snakebite. Browsing through the different depictions of him throughout different countries and ages, I was drawn to the Cham sculptures of him.

Art of Champa

When I followed the trail to the Cham wikipedia page, it led me straight to the Art of Champa page. This was beginning to all sound a bit more familiar, and as I read, it confirmed that Champa was a SE Asian empire that flourished around Vietnam, including them being linked with the Khmer, people of Java and the Die Viet. I enjoyed the art on this page, but a lot of it depicts Indian mythological subject matter, namely the motif of the makara sea-monster. 

Goddess Ganga aboard her Vahana, Makara

Makara

This was the most fun as the first image I saw was Goddess Ganga aboard a Makara. Goddess Ganga is who sparked some creativity in me earlier in the week, I spent some time researching her further and took notes on her hoping to write about her later. So this is rounding out my ideas for that storytelling idea later, perfect! The images on this page were also incredible, including a lot of Makaras in architecture, as it is good luck to keep them around doorways and entrances and be rain spouts or gargoyles and water fountains. However, explaining how Makaras might have been based in fact led me to the next series of trails. 

Cryptozoologist and Trunko

Cryptozoologists (excuse, me what? Oh, the people who identify and describe beings from folklore.) associate Makaras with Trunko, a beached sea-creature that turned into a whole event with its own single-word moniker in South Africa in 1924. Reports vary, but apparently Trunko possessed snowy white fur, an elephant trunk, a lobster-like tail, and a carcass without any blood. Further investigation by scientist led them to believe it was a Globster. 

The St. Augustine Monster, St. Augustine Florida, 1896.

Globster

A Globster is an unidentified organic mass that washes up on the shore of an oceanic coastline. They lack bones an other unrecognizable structures, which creates confusion in its identity. This has historically led to "monsters" being found in various locations around the globe and reported on with sensational headlines. Giant and colossal squid that have decomposed frequently explain most globsters, however a significant number of them have also had tissue analyzed to determine that they were in fact decomposing sperm whales. Globsters, cryptozoologists believe, were perhaps the origins of several mythological sea creatures. 

This led me to search for a video I recall watching once, of a pour soul puncturing the belly of a rotting, decomposing sperm whale whose belly had puffed up to an enormous height, towering far above the man, due to the pressure build up of rotting organs. The man carved with a long sharp edge extended on a handle, clothed in a full outfit of foul weather gear slowly, slowly, slowly carving..... Until it exploded, guts, organs, intestine blowing out sideways and covering the man in a disgusting and wretched manner. It was a great video. 

Reading Notes: PDE Ramayana Part B

 The Demon Marichi and Ravana Full Size Image

Ravana, Nine Heads and One Donkey Head

This week, I've been working my way through Part B of the readings of the Public Domain Edition of the Ramayana. In this section, Sita falls for the devilish devices of Marichi and Ravana to lure her away from Rama and Lashkmana so that she may be captured!

It's been settling to dig down into the meat and bones of it all, and I'm finally feeling oriented a bit, after spending too many hours last week following every wikipedia link to orient myself to the mythological creatures and locations. Although, I will digress and admit, that this week, my favorite external Wikipedia Link click and find has been Garuda, the vahana (mount) of Lord Vishnu, of which Rama is an incarnation, of whom the readings have been focused on this week. The fascinating thing was how many different countries he is found in -- practically all over SE Asia! This bird is just fascinating to read about, I mean just look at him!

Balinese Garuda, original by Okkisafire 

Back to the meat and bones of Ramayana Readings, Part B, however:

1. We start with some melancholy. How sad it is that Rama and Bharata agree, "Neither Bharata nor I can recall or change the commands of Dasharatha." Rama must be exiled, but sweetly, Bharata gives Rama golden sandals upon his feet, then takes those sandals back to ceremoniously rule during Rama's forest exile.
2. We Meet Sages of the Forest: 
1. Viradha: Two broken arms, can't be killed by battle blows, so the brothers cleverly cast him into a pit and bury him -- and he attains heaven.
2. Agastya: One of the most famous Rishis, gives Rama a bow that whose arrow will always meet its mark, and a golden saber. I specifically like how they give friendship and rest to Sita, Rama's "friendless and homeless wife." He sends them to make a hermitage in Panchavati's forest: a garden of five banyan trees in the Dandakaranya forest, "The Jungle of Punishment" forests, which spreads across modern day Uttar Pradesh/Jharkhand to Maharastra.
3. Friends and Foes:
1. Shurpanakha, sexy seductress whose nose and ears get cut off by Lakshamana
2. Ravana, Shurpanakha's brother and main antagonist of this series. Interesting to Notes: He has ten heads and twnety arms (The images of this were highlights of the week, by far), resides in the golden palace of Lanka, which is now called Sri Lanka (And, WikiTrail find -- Sri is another name for Lakshmi!)
3. Golden Deers: the golden deers in Hindu myth imagery has always confused me, and we finally learn in this section that deers can often be shapeshifting forms of devilish rakshasas. Particularly in this section, it is the demond Marichi who turns into a saphire-horned golden deer with a rainbow tail to entice Sita's heart to have him. 
4. Sugriva: Monkey King, who will help Rama and Lakshmana kill Ravana. 

As the readings come to a close, the last morsel leaves me with immense hope and excitement... a Monkey King?! Aaahhhh, yeah, we're finally getting close to Hanuman time! I will here proclaim my love and fondness of Hanuman, and show you the temple that solidified that fondness. 

Giant Hanuman Statue and Temple in Delhi.

Finally, a few questions I'm left pondering.

• Rama seems to be getting many gifts in his exiled life, so it's not actually turning out all that bad for him. However, why does he have to keep going deeper, deeper, deeper into the forest?
• I could write a story from Sita's perspective about getting captured by Viradha and meeting Agastya, including how tired and weary she is from continually traveling in the forest and never knowing when the next battle will come. Little does she know, that lurking around the next corner is a rakshasi waiting to seduce her husband! Does she trust Rama to remain faithful to her, as she has remained faithful to him in their wedding vows, even through exile into the forest?

Reading Notes: Ramayana Part A

Goddess Ganga of the River Ganges

This week as I began to read the Public Domain Ramayana, I was struck by the story of how the goddess Ganga came down from the heavens. Others before had tried for 30 thousand year reigns to bring her down from the heavens, but had failed. With the help of Shiva, after severe and strict austerities, Bhagiratha was finally able to bring her down. Shiva, thwarting her arrogant thought that she would tumble down majestically to the earth and straight on Shiva's head, caught her up in his long hair, causing her to twist and turn and stay in his tangles for a while. Bhagiratha began new, fresh austerities to Shiva, and it was then that he finally allowed her to tumble down to earth. She had many tributaries, and finally reached the Ocean, then crossing into the underworld, where she cleansed the ashes of Bhagiratha's dead family, allowing them to finally ascend to heaven.

This tale absolutely fascinates me! For one, I have visited the river Ganga and watched thousands of people dip themselves in the holy water, light candles to send down river, and to burn their dead family members and then sprinkle the ashes into the waters. It's also a bit terrifying, as today it is incredibly polluted, including dead bodies from families who wish their relatives to reach heaven, but who cannot afford the funeral pyre that is customary for burning them to ash first.

My thoughts on changing up this story and turning it into my own first started with Shiva's long and tangly hair. However, I may ponder this a bit more, and explore her crossing through the Ocean and into the underworld, as I absolutely love the mythological ideas intertwined with the idea of the Ocean.

I also would like to include Indra: lord of Svargaloka, or a level of Heaven in Hinduism. Deva of rain and thunderstorms, wields lightning thunderbolt, rides on a white elephant, He holds up the sky, releases Ushas (dawn) from the Vala cave and slays Vrtra.

The idea that the Dawn is released from a cave each morning is magnificent to me, and it sheds light on all of the rituals I witnessed my old landlady in India, who would perform to the dawn sunlight every morning. 

Ramayana story reference: Bhagiratha and Ganga, from The Great Indian Epics by John Campbell Oman (1894).

Image Information: Goddess Ganga, titled "She Who Is Of Good Fortune." (1815) Himachal Pradesh, India. Opaque watercolor on golden paper. Binney Collection of the San Diego Museum of Art